Saturday, December 29, 2012

JESUS CALLING

Last night as I lay in my bed trying to get to sleep I began to talk to God.  Tears of remorse for my sins fell onto my pillow as I repented and asked for His forgiveness, which I certainly don't deserve. At last I said to Him, "Whatever it takes, Father, I am Yours to do it and go through it. I will do whatever You need me to do. I will listen to You and obey whatever you ask me to do."

This ended up being a one-way conversation as God had nothing to say to me, and soon I was asleep.

This morning I was excited to open my brand new Jesus Calling devotional. I hadn't gotten to today's page yet when I glanced at the first sentence of another page I saw, "My plan for your life is unfolding before you." Tears filled my eyes as I clearly heard God's voice. "Listen up!" He was saying. Then I glanced down. "Do not fear your weakness, for it is the stage on which My Power and Glory perform most brilliantly............expect to see miracles---and you will."

Okay. I was desperate to move on to today's page, and this is what it said, "Trust Me with every fiber of your being! What I can accomplish in and through you is proportional to how much you depend on Me. One aspect of this is the degree to which you trust Me in a crisis or major decision. Some people fail miserably here, while others are at their best in tough times. Another aspect is even more telling: the constancy of your trust in Me. People who rely on Me in the midst of adversity may forget about Me when life is flowing smoothly. Difficult times can jolt you into awareness of your need for Me, whereas smooth sailing can lull you into the stupor of self-sufficiency."

He also says, "You may think that no one notices, but the One who is always beside you sees everything----and rejoices. Consistently trusting in Me is vital to flourishing in My Presence."

I was crying so hard I could hardly read. This was His answer to me. He will do what I asked, and I must watch and trust Him, and I must expect miracles, even at this senior stage of my life. He really has so much more to do in me.

This devotional was taken from Psalm 40:4, 56:3-4, Psalm 62:8, and Isaiah 26: 3-4. Praise His Holy name!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

A Sad Day

I don't really feel like writing this today, but I think I must while my thoughts are fresh. I hope that in time I will see the error of my thinking and will be able to write something more positive.  I am a positive person, seldom negative.  But I also see and believe in truth, and I am writing today what I believe to be true.

Last night we experienced the reelection of Barack Obama.  I am shattered.  That's really the only way I can think to describe it.  Is it mentally, spiritually?  I can't answer.  I think my daughter used the correct word when she said "lament".  Yes. I am lamenting what this means for my children, my grandchildren and their children.  This means, in my estimation, they will face some devastating repercussions in future.  And, after writing this, I can write no more.


Alone

Lonliness is not something I feel often.  I've learned over the years how to be alone, and that I can be comfortable with it.  In fact, most of the time I enjoy being alone.  It's easier if you are a selfish person, liking to have your own way, not wanting to have to bow to others' wishes.  I was brought up alone, so I started my life having my own way except when out with my playmates and friends.  I had no problem sharing with and submitting to them .

But today I am feeling it; very lonely and alone.  I am retired, my husband still works, and my only companions are my four best friends, my dogs.  They require little and give to me so much love that I am happy to submit to their occasional whims. 

Today I miss my parents, especially my mom.  I just passed the anniversary of their deaths, and it is approaching Christmas.  I don't go through this every year, but this year, today, I can hardly stop the tears. Today I am feeling very alone.

I am quite good at feeling sorry for myself.  It goes along nicely with being selfish.

I'll get over it, and rather quickly, to tell the truth.  Right now, I must enjoy my lonliness.