Tuesday, March 31, 2015

What About You?

I don't know about you, but I really dislike watching the antics of someone who is seeking attention. It's a self-centered attempt to make sure everyone sees no one but them. But it leaves a very sour taste.

It is with great regret that I have to admit that I naturally draw attention. My height, for a woman, is abnormal. My girth has developed over the years well beyond what I would have wished, and, therefore, just my presence is overwhelming. People stare. But I'm used to it.

Another regret I have is that I can be considered an emotional person, sensitive, joyful, full of laughter, I cry easily, sobbing can be involved, i am easily excited and I can be quite exuberant, actually. That, too, can be embarrassing, and I've never quite gotten over that. Why? Because it draws attention. And I already draw attention naturally. And I really don't like that.

So, here's the crux of the matter. I love Jesus Christ with my whole being. He has saved me from a life that was a sure path of death and destruction, both physically and spiritually. I am grateful beyond words, measureless, and I become overwhelmed emotionally with that gratefulness very often in our worship. I want to jump, shout, cry out, dance, and shout some more. Sometimes it is so difficult to contain all that passion that I can hardly breathe.

What does one do with all of that passion when one knows how it looks to others? They'll think I'm trying to draw attention to myself, and that won't be the case, truly. And each time I stifle my true inner feelings I go away with regret that I have not given Him all that I owe Him in my worship. No vow to prevent it from happening again will induce me, at least until this writing, to overcome my fear of being misunderstood by people in order to obey and adore my Savior and Lord.

I don't know about you, but I really need to overcome this sin of pride.