I made the trip one more time. How many times I had walked down this aisle to the altar I don't know, but I knew that I had to do something different this time or all would be for nothing, again. So many times I asked Him for help. And I just didn't see any results.
Things at home were in shambles. I was in a terrible marriage with a man who was determined to make my life and the lives of my children miserable. I woke up every morning wondering what he would do that day, and what could I do to protect my children and myself. Why didn't I leave him? Why couldn't I get out of this marriage? Every time I asked those questions God would say, "I want you to stay."
So, I would go to the altar again to ask God to take this burden from me. And each time I would get up from the altar to return home and try to manipulate my husband to make things easier, better.
But his time it was different. As I walked I was discretely clutching my fists, as if holding something firmly in my palms. And I knelt. "Father, help me!" I prayed. "I am completely worn out with all this fighting and misery. Yet I know how I am. I know that I will ask you to take this burden from me, and then I will go back to living in the same way, trying to change things by myself. Lord, I am completely useless without You! With all my heart I ask you to take it! And don't let me keep it!"
As I spoke I turned my fists over and opened my hands as if to drop something on the altar.
"Take this from me, Lord, because I don't want to leave from this place with it. I don't want to deal with this anymore. Father, take it, and I will know that it is in Your hands, and I will let You handle everything. Only You can change him, I can do nothing. Thank You, I trust You with this."
That morning I put my problems in God's able hands, and I left them there. Life was still hard, but little by little I began to see little improvements, small changes in his behavior. Moment by moment my God was working to create a marriage that I had never dreamed it could be.
Today my husband is a godly man who serves Christ and loves Him. I think of myself as the happiest woman on earth married to a loving man who treats me like I'm a queen. It took us years of work, years of prayer and forgiveness, years of me changing as well as my husband, but when God instructed me to stay I obeyed, and He has blessed me for my obedience. I shudder to think where I would be today if I had not obeyed. God knew best in this situation as He does in all our lives, and it is a wise person who listens and obeys Him.