Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Blessings in Obedience

I made the trip one more time.  How many times I had walked down this aisle to the altar I don't know, but I knew that I had to do something different this time or all would be for nothing, again.  So many times I asked Him for help.  And I just didn't see any results.

Things at home were in shambles.  I was in a terrible marriage with a man who was determined to make my life and the lives of my children miserable.  I woke up every morning wondering what he would do that day, and what could I do to protect my children and myself.  Why didn't I leave him?  Why couldn't I get out of this marriage?  Every time I asked those questions God would say, "I want you to stay."  

So, I would go to the altar again to ask God to take this burden from me.  And each time I would get up from the altar to return home and try to manipulate my husband to make things easier, better. 

But his time it was different.  As I walked I was discretely clutching my fists, as if holding something firmly in my palms.  And I knelt.  "Father, help me!"  I prayed.  "I am completely worn out with all this fighting and misery.  Yet I know how I am.  I know that I will ask you to take this burden from me, and then I will go back to living in the same way, trying to change things by myself.  Lord, I am completely useless without You!  With all my heart I ask you to take it!  And don't let me keep it!"

As I spoke I turned my fists over and opened my hands as if to drop something on the altar.

"Take this from me, Lord, because I don't want to leave from this place with it.  I don't want to deal with this anymore.  Father, take it, and I will know that it is in Your hands, and I will let You handle everything.  Only You can change him, I can do nothing.  Thank You, I trust You with this."

That morning I put my problems in God's able hands, and I left them there.  Life was still hard, but little by little I began to see little improvements, small changes in his behavior.  Moment by moment my God was working to create a marriage that I had never dreamed it could be.

Today my husband is a godly man who serves Christ and loves Him.  I think of myself as the happiest woman on earth married to a loving man who treats me like I'm a queen.  It took us years of work, years of prayer and forgiveness, years of me changing as well as my husband, but when God instructed me to stay I obeyed, and He has blessed me for my obedience.  I shudder to think where I would be today if I had not obeyed.  God knew best in this situation as He does in all our lives, and it is a wise person who listens and obeys Him.