A few years back I was having an especially emotional day and trying to get some chores done around the house. My highs and lows were getting to me, so I knew without a doubt that the others in the house had to be feeling the tension of dancing around my occasional bouts of temper. I had been prescribed an anti-depressant while I had been hospitalized for surgery just a few months back, so I had become unaccustomed to these emotional swings, and found them to be very unnerving.
My married daughter had come for a visit, and she, along with my husband, were in the kitchen. My daughter was doing some baking, and my husband was reading at the kitchen table. This was a peaceful, every day setting, but I just wasn't feeling that peaceful, and I didn't like the unsettled feeling.
I was doing laundry, and as I bent over to load the clothes from the washer to the dryer I made a passing comment, more to myself than to anyone else, but loud enough that the pair in the kitchen overheard me.
With my head tucked into the dryer I said, "I don't think my Zoloft is doing a very good job today."
Without a skip of a beat my daughter and her dad glanced at one another, and together they remarked, "Oh, oh."
Funny? They thought so. So did I, to a point. I seldom mind being the brunt of a joke or light moment, but I don't like having a bad effect on others. The thought of them having a tense moment caused by me was more unsettling to me than the Zoloft not working. I don't like making others feel uncomfortable, and yet, that's exactly what I unintentionally have done most of my life. My off-beat sense of humor makes some people get wide-eyed and not a little ill at ease, not knowing just exactly what I am saying.
I am also too blunt in some of my observations, I am not one to shy away from a good debate, and I am entirely too opinionated. Again, these are characteristics that put many people off. I have prayed, confessed, repented, and sworn to do better many times. Yet, I continue to slip back into these bad habits far too quickly.
I continue to ask the Father for help, and I know that He is continually working on me and my ways. This isn't a cry for help from anyone. It isn't a subject that I would welcome input from anyone on. I'm just saying....
But I sure do need a lot of prayer and patience from my friends.
And, meanwhile, this little anecdote continues to serve up chuckles for my family, and, that, I like.